Sobered up this morning and realised I was pissed off being skint and unemployed …So I sent the girlfriend for a job interview at IKEA. The guy said “Come in, build yourself a chair and sit down”.

She didn’t get the job, and I was so laid back about it my doctor reckons I’ve got really low blood pressure.
He prescribed two sets of IKEA self assembly wall units.

Actally they looked OK, but I decided to opt for something that went together a bit more securely. Cereal boxes.

Talking of secure, I’m having computer problems…

One day it’ll happen to you… Porn stash un-stashed!

Of course, the best way to make a grovelling apology to the female species …Cake

Hmmmmm, Cake! Reminds me of the time I took my little sister with me as I got a hair cut.

She stood by the Barbers chair eating a cake when he turned to her and said ” you’re gonna get hair on your muffin”.

“Course I am” she said, ” an’ I’ll get tits too”.

Just as everyone’s forgetting that the Royal Wedding fucked the week up and cost 1,000’s of business £millions when they were forced to close, the palace release a couple of snaps to re-kindle public interest…

I’m not one of these pricks who beleives Bin Laden’s still alive.

However, rumour has it that Osama Bin Laden topped himself rather than watch a 4th day of Royal Wedding highlights.

And talking of birds I’d like to get in the sack…

Down the pub last night and there’s these two birds with really strong Cardiff accents.

I know that accent I said. “you two girls are from Scotland, ain’t you?”

“Wales you fucking prick”, one of them barked back.

“Sorry” I said, “you two whales are from Scotland!”