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I Fell Asleep On My Keyboard…. Eyjafjallajokull!!!
Apr 15th, 2010 by Fat Bastard

Prime Minister Gordon Brown decides to ban the legal high Mephedrone  in the run up to the general election. (That’s Meow Meow to you and me:) What a Dick. Surely he’d have more chance of people voting for him if they were ON DRUGS! Prick.

An Arse (and a naked lady too)

Meanwhile the icelandic volcano’s still blowing Ash…. That’s more than Cheryl Cole is!
And the airlines are still grounded. Still, at least this cuts down the immigration and stops the Chris Moyles show for a while.
Iceland shafted us last year too when their banks went tits up with all our dosh – We asked for cash and all we got was fucking ash!

Iceland

Apparently the pope cried when he met some of the pedo priests sex abuse victims – Well they do say that tears are a paedophiles lubricant of choice.

Pope on a Rope

I admit I’m a junk food addict, but calling McDonalds a restaurant is like calling Scooby Doo a detective series. Everyone knows it’s really a fantasy porn show.

Scooby Dooby Doo!

Scooby Don't

KFC bring out a bunless chicken burger. Sounds good, they’ve moved on from the early days of ‘chicken in a basket’.
But hey, WTF’s wrong with a bird in a basket?

Basket Case

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Homer is a Cunt
Apr 2nd, 2010 by Fat Bastard

Now and again I get problems with my ears – infections, wax and stuff. so, I go down the Doctors…
“Can you describe the symptoms?” says the doc.
“Yeh, no problem… Homer is a lazy yellow fat bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair!”

Homer is a cunt

So, I’m trying to look after my health. I cut down the drinking a bit, but you know it was a good night out when you fart the next day and have to wipe your arse. Probably the crap I eat too though – Believe it or not there’s a sign in McDonalds that says ‘Sorry we don’t accept £50 notes’ -
Jesus, if I had a £50 note I’m fucked if I’d be spending it on that shite!

Going to mcdonalds for a salad? That's like going to a brothel for a hug.

Nothing quite says, ‘I’m an ugly bastard with no personality’ quite like having a Thai wife.
Although she did just say I have a big cock. Whoops, I forgot the punctuation, should read as…. She did just say, “I have a big cock”.

They couldn't understand how to 'Give Head' correctly

My Dad once said, “Son, always try to make sure you have a bird on the end of your cock at every possibility”
Good advice, and I quite like coloured birds actually.

One cock or two? - It's a Cockatoo

Apple will be releasing a new gadget exclusively for women later this year…It’s called the iRon
I’m not sexist, but Women should know their place and, always do their clothes shopping at male recommended shopping areas. The t-shirt shop below, for example.

T-Shirt - Looks like it might be a tight fit!

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GaGa GooGoo
Mar 14th, 2010 by Fat Bastard

Top Skank Lady GaGa gets her kit off again, this time in an attempt to prove conclusively that ’she’ doesn’t have a dick – Ummm, not convinced.

This pic snatched from her banned video for ‘Telephone’, featuring Beyonce (for some reason) has actually had the all important juicy bits blurred out. So, not proof at all.

Lady GaGa's visual interpretation of Alexander Graham Bell's communication device, the Telephone.

Nice tits though , even if ’she’ does one day turn out to be a bloke.
You can download the (semi) uncensored, Banned Lady GaGa and Beyonce Video here, but it’s really not worth wanking over.
Although maybe she was, once…

Stefani Germanotta... Before she went GaGa

Lady G play the part of Sweet 16 Stefani in her new video, 'dress like a freak and show your tits to get famous'

Mix up the letters in the words ‘large breasts’ and they become a perfect anagram of ‘great braless’. Fascinating uh?

Great rack - Park your bike material

Baby blooper

On BBC news this week…. ‘Baby born to a brain dead woman’
I’m not really sure why that’s news. That shit happens every day on council estates all over the country.
But talking of mingers, you know you’re a fat ugly bitch when you walk past a site and the builders shout, “Show us your personality!”

3 Headed girl seeks blind guy with 3 dicks

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Susan Boyle – The seX-Factor
Mar 1st, 2010 by Fat Bastard

Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton, Katie Price (Jordan)… They and many other skanks boosted their careers by sucking and fucking on film. The celebrity ’stolen’ sex tape has given a boost to dozens of talentless bimbo’s…
And the latest to jump on this gravy train of sleaze? None other than Scotlands own, X-factor singing sensation, Susan Boyle!
See Subo in all her glory Tits Out and Sucking Cock – Not a pretty sight, but at least it stops her singing for a few minutes!

Subo - The seX-Factor

I got a txt message yesterday, obviously meant for someone else, it said:
‘Hi, be home soon, love ya loads, Steve xxx’
Course, I had to have a bit of fun so I txt the guy back:
‘Don’t bother you ugly cunt, I don’t love You and I’ve been fucking your brother’
I couldn’t wait for the reply… Then it came:
‘You OK Mum?’

Txt Messages - Getting your priorities right

Your Mum’s so fat, when she fell down the stairs I thought EastEnders was ending

Katie Price has gone too far this time

I tried my hand at a valentines day verse to try and charm the knickers off my gf….
‘Roses are red, but there’s also white, pink and yellow varieties too.
Violets aren’t actually blue, they’re fucking violet, hence the name!’
I’ve got OCD. And my poetry skills are also lacking so fuck it, it’s another wank tonight.

A cross I have to bear

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iPad – The irishmans iPod
Feb 5th, 2010 by Fat Bastard

John Terry’s wife admit’s she has no grudges against him or celebrity bike Vanessa Perroncel over their affair. To prove it she’s bought them both a toyota.

Meanwhile Ashley Cole was pulled over doing 98mph in a 30 zone.
When quizzed by the old bill as to why he was driving so fast he replied, “l’ve just heard John Terry is parked outside my house!”

The car in front is a Toyota - 'Cos it can't fucking stop!

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