Sobered up this morning and realised I was pissed off being skint and unemployed …So I sent the girlfriend for a job interview at IKEA. The guy said “Come in, build yourself a chair and sit down”.
Do I get the job?
She didn’t get the job, and I was so laid back about it my doctor reckons I’ve got really low blood pressure. He prescribed two sets of IKEA self assembly wall units.
Actally they looked OK, but I decided to opt for something that went together a bit more securely. Cereal boxes.
Self assembly not required
Talking of secure, I’m having computer problems…
USB - Un-known Scientific Breakthrough
One day it’ll happen to you… Porn stash un-stashed!
Sorry Mum!
Of course, the best way to make a grovelling apology to the female species …Cake
I was aiming at your mouth
Hmmmmm, Cake! Reminds me of the time I took my little sister with me as I got a hair cut.
She stood by the Barbers chair eating a cake when he turned to her and said ” you’re gonna get hair on your muffin”.
“Course I am” she said, ” an’ I’ll get tits too”.
Just as everyone’s forgetting that the Royal Wedding fucked the week up and cost 1,000’s of business £millions when they were forced to close, the palace release a couple of snaps to re-kindle public interest…
Wills 'The Willy'
I’m not one of these pricks who beleives Bin Laden’s still alive.
However, rumour has it that Osama Bin Laden topped himself rather than watch a 4th day of Royal Wedding highlights.
Osama Bin Hidin' - Guiness world hide 'n' seek record holder
Wills pops his cork
And talking of birds I’d like to get in the sack…
Ellie Goulding nips out
Legs Wide Shut
Goin' down
Down the pub last night and there’s these two birds with really strong Cardiff accents.
I know that accent I said. “you two girls are from Scotland, ain’t you?”
“Wales you fucking prick”, one of them barked back.
“Sorry” I said, “you two whales are from Scotland!”
One lump, or two?
Britney Spears, yea I know, she’s no Rihanna, and she ain’t a patch on Beyonce either (or Christina or Katy Perry for that matter). But anyway, here she is, baring her soul (and stuff) in the most controversial, but openly honest interview she’s done for weeks.
Interview compiled by Fat Bastard Photography by Mike Oxlong
Fat Bastard – Britney, I would like to know how a beautiful young girl like yourself deals with the tremendous pressure of international superstardom. Don’t you ever feel burnt out?
Britney Spears...
Britney Spears – Shit No, I just love being famous – it’s a fucking carnival ride man, an’ I’m doin’ just great!!!
FB – That’s good to hear, what’s your secret?
Doin' Just Great!
BS – Well lets see… I’m on drugs most of the time. That helps. I’ve started shooting guns, an shit. I’m always pissed as a fuckin’ fart. Oh yea, and my new boyfriend (Jason Trawick) fucks like an animal!
FB – So your not against drugs then? In previous statements you’ve always said…
BS